i don't like to wear shoes

getting back in the swing of things...

2012-01-09T15:05:00.002-06:00

after a ridiculous hiatus, i will be posting new stuff very soon. the last year-and-a-half has been filled with many ups and downs, a lot of pain and joy, and a lot of new beginnings.

i can't wait to share more of my story with you...

...cheers.

caught off guard

2010-10-14T21:47:00.002-05:00

grief is a strange thing. it catches me by surprise at the strangest moments... and the raw pain of it shocks me every time.

i was driving home from work a few weeks ago - after a really pleasant day, actually - and i stopped by to pick up the mail before driving up to the house. there, nestled among the bills and the advertisements, the letters, and the abundance of birthday cards (my younger brother, my father, and i all have birthdays in july), was a catalog of medical and anatomical charts addressed to my older brother, todd. all i could think of, as i held that glossy magazine in my shaking hands, was that i had no idea that todd even had any interest in anatomy. i missed him so acutely in those few minutes, was so totally overwhelmed by the reality of his utter absence, that i had to simply stop and let myself cry in my car (todd's old pickup truck) until i could, after a surprisingly long time, finally compose myself.

the other day, i was standing out on my balcony, soaking up a little bit of sun and listening to music. i found myself captivated by a little spider spinning its web and was reminded that todd had a collection of photographs of spiders and their webs, when a small cloud passed over the sun and the song i had chosen for todd's memorial came on over my headphones (to build a home by the cinematic orchestra). at that moment, it felt like he was truly standing there with me... maybe for just a heartbeat... but it hit me so hard, i thought my legs wouldn't support me anymore.

i think about todd a little every day... how i wish that i had known him better... how much i idolized him and his very calm, collected, and yet rebel-like demeanor when i was a kid... how i used to stand outside his door when i was younger just to listen to how brilliantly he could play the guitar... how inspiring his love and shear compassion for every living creature on this earth was and still is. i remain focused on the positives of his life almost all the time. every once in a while, though, i am reminded of the fact that he just isn't anymore and it grips my heart so hard, it steals the breath right out of me.

misty

2010-07-17T06:47:00.007-05:00

it's storming outside right now, and the bells are ringing at the church down the hill... there is a quiet sense of anticipation in the air. i am reminded of how little time i have left in stuttgart - a mere three weeks - and while i am excited beyond expression to get to go home for a while, my heart is breaking for all of the things that i will leave behind here.

my friends here - a motley crew of architects, ballet dancers, bankers, computer programmers, businesspeople, designers, writers, bouncers - mean more to me than my words could ever put to paper (or web page, letter, insert your preferred method of verbal expression here). when i first came here three years ago, i was honestly terrified about moving to a place where i knew two people, but didn't know the language, the city, or the customs/culture of the people here. i somehow had the great fortune to come across a few people who just brighten every day... people who, in an instant, will drop everything to stand by my side. let me tell you, had i not had my friends here, there is no way in hell i would have made it through this last year in one piece.

i will miss the bar i hang out at most days - oblomow... a kind of ratty-looking place where you can just be (as opposed to the abundance of overly-chic-see-and-be-seen locales around stuttgart). i will miss the presence of stairs all over the city... some tucked away between tall buildings, others sprawling in a picturesque landscape. i will miss the parks, and reading in the garden in front of the old castle in the center of the city. i will miss being able to walk through the city with a bottle of beer. i will miss the bells marking the passage of each day.

... i will miss my apartment and the soft light that filters through my window each morning along with the sounds of the dove that has nested in the ridiculously tall pine directly outside my window.

it's strange, though, the certainty i have that though i am leaving here, it will not be forever. there are places i have been to or lived in that i have no desire to see again. stuttgart is not one of those places... less so for the actual place (which is beautiful and wonderful in a kind of surprising way) than for the people i have met here (and treasure beyond all reason) and the experiences i have had here.

it seems that my last little bit of time here is simply slipping away from me... it makes me more resolved each day to really take advantage of what i still can. but for right now, i am completely content to sit in my room with a hot cup of coffee, listening to the rain and the bells and the birds, and reading a picture of dorian gray in the soft light of the afternoon.

on my way!

2010-05-28T07:38:00.003-05:00

finally some good news: i have been accepted to the daap at the university of cincinnati to pursue my masters in community planning with a focus on international development (no, i am not going to the dark side. i am not on the way to becoming a developer... just read the wiki article) in the masters international program (i will due a two-year stint in the peace corps - pending my acceptance there, as well - sandwiched in-between two years of study).

after everything that has happened this year (getting so sick i had to go to the hospital several times, losing my job, having to bury my older brother last month), i was literally so over the moon about my admissions letter that i had a bout of cry/laughing (while doing fist pumps and a happy dance around my room at 2am).

so it begins, i suppose... or continues on a new path, rather. now all i have to do is get accepted to the peace corps, find an apartment in cinci, ship my stuff home, ... ok - so i still have quite a bit to do yet in the next two months... but i am going to take a bit of time and really, really enjoy the bit of good that has (finally) come my way this year.

in the wake of this, i hope that something really good comes your way, too ... and if nothing good seems to be looming on the horizon, just be patient (i cannot believe that i - the least patient person in the world - am giving this advice, but c'est la vie), keep your chin held high, and keep a smile on your face.

cheers!

a bit of good and a bit of bad

2010-04-21T00:44:00.004-05:00

the bad:

i stopped by a little shop last night to grab a shawarma - because i finally found a place in stuttgart that has them and they are the best thing ever - at a little lebanese place downtown. the food takes a little while, but it is so fresh and so worth it... it is also run in the evenings by a really nice, very generous, soft-spoken guy who kind of looks like he needs a hug.

anyway... there were four guys sitting at a table across from me as i was waiting for my food... i don't think i can accurately describe just how irritating they were - loud, obnoxious, rude, unsatisfiable... and, of course, speaking in english. i sat back and listened as they harassed this poor guy and did nothing but complain, while the waiter/cook was going way out of his way to be accommodating... even speaking english when most people in this city look at you like you have two heads if you speak english to them. i got up to get my order and pay (and tell the waiter to just take a deep breath...), when one of the men at the table started actually banging his coke can on the table like an impatient two year old (apparently, the grill wasn't cooking his meat fast enough for him). i saw red... and i got all soap-boxy... and i lectured.

they tried to use the excuse that they were irritable because they were stuck in stuttgart due to the volcanic ash. then they tried to use the excuse of being very - and i quote - 'particular about food.' i found this particularly funny because, in a city full of gourmet restaurants and cafes (one of which, i currently work for), they were huddled around a (plastic) table at a fast food restaurant in an alley. then one of the men tried to brush off his - quoting again - 'regrettable display of rude behavior,' speaking in a tone as if i was simply going to excuse him. i almost laughed at the shocked expression on his face when i told him that, yes, i had seen and heard all of it and that he should be ashamed of himself for subjecting anyone to that kind of appalling treatment. ... i asked him/them to be more considerate and then i left. i can only hope that they were at least shamed into being more civilized.

this kind of (pardon the lack of eloquence here) utter crap is why i believe every single person should be required to work in the service industry for at least a year of their life. military service imparts honor, discipline, loyalty, etc. ... waiting tables or working in customer service teaches patience and appreciation for service, and - most of the time, at least - comes with a whopping dose of humility and gratitude. it probably wasn't my place to wag my finger at the four toddlers-in-adult-bodies at the restaurant last night... but i was also shocked that i was the only person who said anything in a room full of other people.

disappointing is about the only word i can think of (aside from being steaming mad) for how i felt as i walked off with my (absolutely delicious) shawarma.

the good:

a little boy came into the ice cream parlor i am working at, along with a gaggle of other kids. he told me that he had forgotten his money but that he would pay me/someone for the ice cream the next day... i wanted to pay for him myself, but i knew that if i did that for him, it would be completely unfair to not do the same for the other kids (not to mention that word travels through these kids' grapevine at warp speed). my heart broke at the dejected look on the little boy's face... but then the most amazing thing happened: a kid standing next to the cash register - who couldn't have been more than maybe 12 or 13 - turned to the very sad-faced boy and asked him what he wanted, pulled out a couple of euros, and told the little boy to enjoy his ice cream... and then, smiling, simply walked away.

maybe i am blowing this way out of proportion, but i think such a pure act of simple charity is pretty awesome. very few people would go out of their way for a stranger and if/when they do, most of the time, it's in the pursuit of recognition for their 'giving spirit.' i wish you could have seen the look of complete and utter joy on this little boy's face after he realized that he would, in fact, be able to get his ice cream (he picked chocolate). it very literally made my day. ... it also reminded me that little acts of kindness go a long way.

new things in a kind of in-between

2010-04-10T10:34:00.005-05:00

radio silence is over.

in the midst of a time of immense changes in my life (preparing to change careers, change countries, change my health... for the better, i hope), i got laid off. yes, i am now just another unemployed architect... i have never been more glad (read: bitter) about spending five years stumbling through (read: torturing myself with) architecture school at the cost of my health, normal sleep schedule, some semblance of a social life, and - possibly - most of my sanity.

needless to say, i have been dealing with some pretty ridiculous emotional ups and downs this month - one of the primary reasons i have not posted anything in a while - i am not quite off of the roller coaster, but i am resolved to have more positive days than negative ones. i realize that things could really be so much worse (after two appeals and a lot of fighting with bureaucrats, i have been deemed eligible for unemployment benefits in germany, and i can still keep my health insurance... which is a huge weight off of my shoulders right now), and i am determined to remind myself that i just need to keep fighting in order to make things better.

i am a stubborn little shit and i do not give up (which is both a positive and negative thing)... and i prefer to keep smiling through the pain than to dwell and be broody about things that have already happened (<-- definitely not so much my style).

so, while i am waiting to hear back regarding my graduate school application, i am working part time at an ice cream parlor (in a weird mix of italian, german, and english... my brain feels like soup at the end of the day) and am focusing on doing the things i have always wanted to do here in stuttgart but have never found the time to do (i.e. touristy nonsense, laying in the sun in the park with a good book and a beer, going for a run in the forest every day, going to the theatah and the operrrra, brushing up on the languages i have learned but recently forgotten, etc.).

i have booked a flight to return me to the states, regardless of grad school admissions, at the beginning of august. it's a little terrifying and a lot exhilarating to be making such a big change once again. i have no idea what i will be doing at the end of the summer or where exactly i will end up... but i am ridiculously excited to find out what is to come.

cheers.

daydreaming

2010-03-06T14:03:00.002-06:00

i have been window shopping all day... for cookbooks. anyone who knows me knows how much i love to cook; to play with ingredients; to experiment with flavors. my dream is to, one day, have a kitchen in which an entire wall is composed of bookshelves filled to bursting with cookbooks... inspiration. (i also want a multi-story library with rolling ladders, a studio, darkroom, and a never-ending herb garden, but that is neither here nor there)

cookbooks are wondrous things to me - like stories told with food. my only problem is that i rarely follow a recipe exactly. ever. i have notebooks on top of notebooks filled with recipes that i have tweaked or completely revised for a location/season/occasion.

i have been teaching myself a few german recipes... i am particularly fond of the southern food, as it reminds me of summers at my grandmother's house in southern arkansas somehow. i have found a delightful swabian cookbook, but it is entirely written in dialect (which is a far cry from the german i learned in class), and i am going to try my hand at some real traditional swabian cooking! i will post pictures and recipes as i go :)

cheers.

a little something you should know...

2010-02-11T04:29:00.003-06:00

i just finished reading the last lecture by randy pausch. it made me laugh, cry, and think a lot. this man was 47 and was given a death sentence - pancreatic cancer - and instead of spending his last months in despair or wallowing in pity, he chose to share a little bit of himself and leave a bit of profound advice for his very young children (and all of the people who read his book/watch his lecture, by proxy).

here are his words:

i have been repeating several things in my head of late, and they have only been reinforced by hearing and reading what dr. pausch had to say...

the first is what has become my new mantra: 'live fully, love deeply, and smile with your eyes';

the other, i found on an antique wax seal: 'dum spiro spero.' in latin, that's 'while i breathe, i hope.'

so, keep hoping and never stop finding ways to get over/around/through any of the brick walls you may come against.

too important to leave to politics

2009-10-08T04:53:00.010-05:00

you'll have to forgive me for posting this late, as due to the time difference, i only just saw this... but if you're an american with a functioning brain between your ears, please take a minute - or forty - and watch this video. i am so thankful that someone with as much reach as mr. olbermann took the time to talk about our healthcare fiasco not just with reason on his side, but personal experience and real emotion... i know he won't read this, but i just want to say, 'thank you, mr. olbermann, from the bottom of my heart - for taking this as seriously as it needs to be taken and for continuing to talk about the facts and the issues that really matter in this debate.'

Visit msnbc.com for Breaking News, World News, and News about the Economy

this really is too important to leave to politicians who seem to have less than honorable intentions with regards to our national health. i have, personally, spent way more of my life fighting with insurance companies and not getting coverage because i happened to be bitten by a tick that passed lymes disease on to me at age 2 to not get overly impassioned about this issue. i hate the fact that both arkansas senators (where i am registered to vote and where my family farm is) are on the list of people who just seem to care more about getting their next campaign contribution than actually performing their civic duty - a duty we elected them for - to ensure the betterment of their constituents' lives.

in arkansas (and texas), i have been denied coverage for almost every type of treatment because of a preexisting condition i had and have no control over. in arkansas, i had to pay out of pocket for an mri to search for what my doctors thought could be brain cancer because, according to my insurance provider, brain cancer and lymes disease are inextricably linked. in arkansas and all over the states, i have friends who have to choose between buying insurance for themselves and their children and paying rent or making a car payment. i am honestly wondering why senators lincoln and pryor, of arkansas, aren't addressing this problem - in arkansas and the rest of the country - with the seriousness it deserves. i am wondering how our elected officials can sleep at night while those who gave them their votes are going bankrupt, losing their homes, and dying because of a problem they turn a blind eye to.

i hope that hearing these segments from one honest american - whether you agree with him on what exactly needs to be done or not - moves you to contact your representatives. i hope that you have the chance to tell them that if they do not do something real about this very serious set of problems, that they do not deserve the office they hold and that you will be giving your vote to someone who will deserve that honorable position.

i know that i am far removed from this debate - for now. i know that some would think that because i do not currently reside in the u.s. (even though i will be moving back next year), that i should not be entitled to the opinion i am giving here or the right to vote that i so proudly exercise when given the opportunity, even from a distance. but i also know that now that i live in germany, i have full healthcare coverage for the first time in my life... real coverage that actually pays for treatment and prevention. i know that i had to sit in a hospital and recovery center at my father's side last year and listen to stories about how people - my dad included - have to sign over their farms and houses before they can be treated for a heart attack that is currently threatening to take their life just in case their insurance doesn't pay. i know that my family and friends and their families and friends have to deal with the consequences of this every day. i know that i voted for 'change [i] can believe in' and i want that change desperately... not just for me but for everyone in america, because the right to good healthcare and prevention is what i consider to be a basic human right. as american citizens, it is high bloody time we were provided with it.

neglect

2009-10-06T04:45:00.002-05:00

i have been rather neglectful of ye olde blog here for a while... i just wanted to post a note here to inform anyone who actually still reads this that i will be writing more (actual substance) here very, very soon. real life has kept me somewhat busy of late, but i will be posting pictures of stuttgart (finally), my quick trip to berlin with my friend enrica, and more soapbox-y type stuff than you could ever hope for in the immediate future.

cheers.

ear worm

2009-08-25T08:55:00.001-05:00

this song is haunting me. it's beautiful and sad, yet uplifting, and it's taken up residence in my head. i thought i would share...

cheers.

i want this on a t-shirt

2009-08-25T08:53:00.002-05:00

image via violet voice

i dream of...

2009-07-13T09:27:00.004-05:00

...buildings!

i am all aflutter over cb2's new urban mandala bedding set. i am in the strategizing process of redoing my bedroom and i am thinking that these are a definite must for me. they are a little pricier than i am used to, but i am seriously tempted...

images via cb2.

happy fourth!

2009-07-03T02:33:00.003-05:00

... an independent spirit at its best.

happy fourth of july.

all wound up and full of promise: a musical intervention to start the weekend

2009-06-12T07:42:00.000-05:00

shhhhhhhhhh...

2009-05-08T15:13:00.004-05:00

... it kinda reminds me of being in elementary school playing the 'shhhh... it' game in the library. but i am unapologetically childish like that.

cheers.

image via print liberation

it's freaking brilliant!... and damn funny, too.

2009-05-05T05:39:00.004-05:00

at last! a movie that came out earlier in europe than the states! i actually giggled most of the way through this movie and i would recommend rushing to the theater to see this as soon as this little ditty comes to a screen near you.

and now... my favorite clip:

simon is just too precious for words!... poor little dear.

have a laugh-filled day!

revelation

2009-04-25T16:07:00.005-05:00

many people experience crises of faith. i suppose that i have undergone something similar, but religion has nothing to do with it... in my pursuit to become an architect, i always believed that good design - the foundation of architecture as i know it - had the potential to do great good, to inspire, to educate, and to make societies better for the presence of it. while i still believe this to be true of the theory of architecture, i find the practice of it to be something else entirely.

yes, i am young. yes, i am an idealist. yes, i am most-likely completely and utterly naïve... but i also have very deeply rooted ideals and principles and values that i am extremely committed to. while the last three years that i have spent working as an architect have been invaluable to me, i also find myself increasingly dissatisfied with the work that i am doing. i have met, in my endeavors and travels thus far, some of the most incredible people anyone could possibly hope to meet. i have made life-long and unbelievably fierce friends. while these are all wonderful blessings in my life that i am thankful for every day, i find myself conflicted because i am still working for selfish and self-serving people. i find myself conflicted because i am not doing anyone but my bosses any good.

my parents instilled the will in me to always be a better person and to constantly improve on myself; to feel and love without hesitation; to be loyal even if to a fault; to be thankful for everything and everyone; to have a love for learning; and, more importantly, they instilled in me the desire to put others before myself, to help when i can, to listen when someone needs to vent, and - most importantly - that 'being there' and trying anything and everything for others in need is the greatest privilege that any person can seek.

currently, i am trying to get myself in the mindset to go back to school and get my masters. while i love art and design, i simply cannot justify continuing on the path i am on anymore. this life is for a lot of people, but not for me. not anymore. i need to do something more in tune with my principles with my time here, and stressing myself out over meaningless deadlines and working for people who care for nothing but profit is not worthwhile for me. i do not mean to insult anyone for whom this life is satisfying and/or completely fulfilling... i am just saying that this is not the way that i want to live my life.

my visa to live and work in germany will expire at the end of july. at this time, i plan to head back to the u.s., take a little time to breathe, start emt training, and apply to every school that offers an urban design and sustainable development double-graduate program (columbia is top on my list at the moment). i hope to then enlist with the peace corps and start a life in international crisis and development aid. this work will most likely take me far from my family and my home again, but this work will be done in the service of others who need the time and attention of those of us who have a much easier life than they. i feel that this is my duty and will be my privilege - should i be given the honorable opportunity - as a human being.

i have begun to lose my faith in the inherent goodness of people in the last years... based on things done to me and - much more importantly - things done to those i care about. my father recently told me that in tough times, you will see the worst in people or the best in people. my only selfish aim in this new pursuit is that i will be surrounded by (and thus, inspired by) the best of people in the midst of the worst situations. i hope that my personal strength and my desire to be better and do better for others will only be improved in the service of those who need it the most.

a common question for those who pursue a life in international aid is, 'what are you running away from?' i can say, without question or the shadow of a doubt in my heart or mind, that i will be running to something and not away from anything. if i have the chance, for even one day... one minute... to help someone else, i consider it the greatest honor i could ever achieve. i can only hope to be there for others, the way so many people have unquestioningly been there for me. i can only hope for the chance to do good where good is needed the most.

it is with this goal that i move forward and in a refreshingly new direction.

with hope... always with hope.

dearest, silly, out-of-touch teabaggers

2009-04-15T09:43:00.007-05:00

if you are a political teabagger, or are taking part in the effort to 'teabag obama' or to 'teabag the whitehouse' and you are wondering why people at large are laughing at you and not taking you seriously (well, besides the fact that it seems you cannot decide what exactly you are protesting), please have a look at the video below and be enlightened.

and, as my personal contribution to you, here's another handy little resource for you to use before you go naming another national movement: the urban dictionary. maybe it will help you keep from referencing 'taboo' and very non-republican-like sexual activities next time around.

... i hope that this also clears up why people (myself included, because i am totally immature like that) find the fact that dick army is one of the major supporters behind (or in this case, above) the teabagging initiative is so damn funny.

happy teabagging, teabaggers!

spooky love for fever ray

2009-03-31T15:53:00.008-06:00

i have developed a complete and utter obsession with this song - if i had a heart by fever ray - and the video is just wonderfully spooky. i can't stop watching it. or humming it, for that matter. her album is also absolutely brilliant, and you can listen to all of the tracks here.

i am also totally enamored of the way karin dreijer andersson has had her face painted for the video (above left) and the album promotion (above right). the concepts are both beautiful and - again - delightfully spooky.

images via fever ray's last.fm profile

dr. edith eger on how to be young and eighty-one

2009-03-30T03:39:00.003-06:00

'smile with your eyes and give up the need for approval of others... truly celebrate the ability to find that little girl in you who can love again, and again, and again; and to be able to incorporate the past that you just blossom. every day is a gift...'

i may not be 81 - and can only hope to make it to such an awesome milestone in life - but i think that dr. eger's words are a pretty good model for life in general... especially the part about smiling with your eyes. when you do, it shows that you are truly happy - and that is something everyone should strive for.

part deux - some more tunes to keep sane

2009-03-28T09:13:00.000-06:00

friday with a deadline... and a few tunes to keep sane.

2009-03-27T10:36:00.002-06:00

it is our humanity, and all the potential within it, that makes us beautiful.

2009-03-24T07:11:00.005-06:00

quote from aimee mullins' ted talk.

a little dose of inspiration for your day. cheers.

paris... unexpectedly

2009-03-18T16:12:00.005-06:00

an unexpected layover far from home when all i wanted was to get back to arkansas to see my friends and family, combined with complete disorganization at charles de gaulle airport in paris four days before christmas could have completely ruined my day. however, i took it as getting the chance to see a city that i love and haven't been too since i was 12. it kind of felt like santa came a few days early for me...

after far, far too long, i finally got the chance to go through my photos of my day in paris... and here are just a few of my favorites...

the first view i got as i topped the stairs at the eiffel tower. one day, i will live in one of those incredible apartments in the center of the city. hey, a girl can dream.

little love letters and declarations and mini-graffiti etched all over the tower. it's one of my favorite parts about actually getting to visit the eiffel tower - getting to see so many people's stories while looking out over one of the most beautiful cities on earth... not to mention that i am a total structures-and-history-geek and the eiffel tower just makes me all kinds of nerd-happy.

the avenue des champs-elysees lit up for christmas and beautiful vintage metro signs...

more of the champs-elysees...

i think that the best moment of the day was climbing up the eiffel tower, only to realize that we had arrived just as the sun was starting to set... it was simply breathtaking.

le sigh.

the rest of the set is here.

just because.

2009-02-24T08:42:00.001-06:00

cheering me up today

2009-02-19T07:04:00.004-06:00

i just love flight of the conchords. they make me exceedingly happy, and so does this youtube playlist.

oh, mr. wu... i adore the things you do.

2009-02-18T05:07:00.005-06:00

absolutely stunning works of art from jason wu's fall 2009 collection at new york fashion week. just a few of my favorites from the show.

goodness me, these are some really, really beautiful clothes... and that is an understatement if i've ever heard one.

images via coutorture.

utter genius

2009-02-18T02:07:00.005-06:00

i have been somewhat-desperately searching for something inspirational over the last days, so i was elated when i stopped over at swissmiss this morning (as i do every day for a little pick-me-up) to find this TEDtalk by elizabeth gilbert on creative genius. i then decided to have a gander at some of the awe-inspiring talks over at TED.com and stumbled upon this talk (above) and i was absolutely floored. it just blows my mind to think of the things that mankind is capable of when given the chance to explore.

it's in seeing things like this that i am reminded that every day, we have the chance to do something completely worthwhile... no matter how small that thing may be.

color me unbelievably inspired.

whenever these blocks make it onto the market, i will be picking some up for my niece and nephew.... and a set for me (because you are never, ever too old to play or learn).

medicine-induced musings from an american in stuttgart

2009-02-10T11:12:00.007-06:00

i have been either completely out of it, in a near-delusional state of fever, completely miserable, doped-up on cough medicine, or all of the above for the past 6 days and it's given me time to think... well, about a lot of things... but i thought i would share a few things i realize that i find amusing about being an american in stuttgart.

the thing i find most amusing is that when people ask me where i am from, they have no idea where i am talking about. the conversation starts out normally enough with a polite, 'and where are you from?,' to which i almost always just respond, 'i am from the states.' the funny part is when people ask 'where specifically' i am from and i respond with 'arkansas.' now, i realize that of the places that people freely identify with in the states, arkansas is not so far up on the list, however the blank-faced stares i get in response to my answer are still pretty funny. i normally tell people that it is the state north and slightly to the east of texas, to which they respond, 'oh! you're from texas! why didn't you say so in the first place?' i am, in point of fact, originally from texas, but the family home-base is in arkansas; regardless, i still find this extremely amusing, given that it has happened to me so many times over the last year-and-a-half here.

on the same theme - there is also the issue with pronouncing 'arkansas.' apparently, most of the people i have met abroad (well, the ones that have actually heard of arkansas or seen it on a map) have learned to call it 'ar-KANSAS,' which is all fine and dandy, except that it is wrong. i have no idea why it bothers me so much that people can't get the 'arkas-SAW' pronunciation right, but it does. most of the time, when i first tell people i am from arkan-SAW they look at me like i am a total nutter, but when i pronounce the state's name incorrectly, as aforementioned, light bulbs go on and people know what i am referring to. at least they know who bill clinton is. ... well, they know about the scandal involving bill and ms. lewinsky's dress, and they somehow remember that he is from arkansas at the very least.

another thing i find, well not amusing, but strangely funny in its shear ability to annoy the living hell out of me, is the assumption that i speak no german and am therefore in constant need of a translator... simply because i am from the states. i know that my german is nowhere near perfect - and i cannot write properly in german to save my life (but am starting to work on it) - but i can speak and understand people with ease now. when i came to germany it was a completely different story but that is neither here nor there. i learned german (as in, attended a class twice a week for 8 months at a truly wonderful language school here called inlingua) so that people wouldn't have to constantly pander to me by translating all the time... only now, it seems they do it more often. i find it funny (read: ironic) that when i desperately needed someone to help me understand the language here i couldn't find hardly a soul to help me (my roommate and friends excluded) but now that i am fairly comfortable with german, i can hardly find opportunity to speak it without someone immediately changing the conversation to english. harumph.

on the other side of the coin, or pond, or what-have-you, when i am in the states and people ask me where i live, i get some pretty funny responses as well. when i tell people that i live in stuttgart (as in, shhhh-tutt-gahrt - the one in germany with a population of about 600,000 people), a surprising number of people think i mean stuttgart (as in st-UTT-gart - the one in arkansas with a population of 9,500 people).

i guess people are just funny that way.

lists...

2009-02-02T11:31:00.003-06:00

a little peek...

at what i have been up to (read: am still trying to finish) since last week.

i still haven't had a chance to off-load my photos from my christmas break, but as soon as i get my head above water, that is a top priority. in the meantime, i have taken up semi-permanent residence at my desk in the office and have become very good friends with the office's coffee machine.

stop-animation love... accompanied by a beautiful soundtrack

2009-01-31T16:02:00.003-06:00

absolutely stunning. ... and the song by oren lavie is just beautiful.

posted originally at swissmiss.

... at last!!!

2009-01-21T05:10:00.003-06:00

is obama president yet?

... at last!

it's really hard to describe the amazing feeling of pride and hope that i have, knowing that a man like barack obama will be the leader of my country for (at least) the next four years. what a wonderful day to be an american... and what a wonderful day in the history of the world!

i have to say it, just (maybe) this one more time: GObama!!!

image via is obama president. original post via swissmiss.

new things...

2009-01-14T06:14:00.006-06:00

... are coming soon, i promise. i have a gigantic deadline tonight and am working like a crazy lady. i have lovely pictures of paris at christmas (due to an unexpected layover), my family farm, and funny stories from my holidays to post... so hopefully it will be worth the wait!

cheers and much love from my workspace.

'tis the season to be jorry...

2008-12-22T15:56:00.000-06:00

opposites attract

2008-12-16T07:15:00.003-06:00

i would love to hang this on my wall:

... and stand in front of it wearing this:

images via TypeTees and keep calm gallery, respectively.

absolutely adorable.

2008-12-16T05:05:00.000-06:00

studiolmt

2008-12-10T17:41:00.008-06:00

shelter, 8" x 8" abstract landscape, mixed media on panel

on the wire, 9" x 12" abstract landscape, mixed media on 140# hot press paper

these beautiful pieces are part of a new collection of work by laura terry, whom i was lucky enough to study under at the university of arkansas school of architecture.

laura's stunning new work can all be found at her etsy shop. if i could choose a couple of pieces that i would love to have on my walls, it would be the two above... though i would be giddy to have any of them. the colors are so vibrant and the imagery just reminds me of home. not to mention that i have a serious 'thing' for imagery relating to telephone lines and hay fields. put simply, the pieces are all fantastic.

images via studiolmt

that about says it all.

2008-12-10T10:37:00.005-06:00

i am unbelievably tempted to give this as a gift to a certain brother of mine. ha. i would love to see the reaction this little ditty would garner. lovely.

from print liberation.

happy turkey day!!!

2008-11-27T03:44:00.004-06:00

Happy, happy, happy Thanksgiving!

I wish everyone (even those who are not celebrating a holiday today) a most wonderful day full of things that you can be thankful for (good friends, great family, good food, good times).

image via kaboose. they have some great craft ideas for today, so if you're feelin' creative and have a little extra time on your hands, you should go check them out.

oh yes. more t-shirt love.

2008-11-21T08:22:00.005-06:00

i absolutely adore someecards.com and i just discovered that now i can even wear my sarcasm! oh happy day!

images via busted tees

i'm so cool, that...

2008-11-21T08:19:00.003-06:00

i love me some typetees.

want, want, want, want, want, want, want.

2008-11-10T14:58:00.002-06:00

two things... one: i am absolutely obsessed with maps and have been looking everywhere for a world map that i can hang on my wall. two: i am suffering from a serious condition where i want every beautiful poster i see. imagine my joy when i went to see swissmiss this morning and found this. i. want. it. i want it baaaaad. i really wanted this one, but it was a limited edition and they are all out (which actually kind of makes me want to cry a little on the inside).

sigh.

image via air lines.

cheeky

2008-11-06T15:01:00.005-06:00

this absolutely adorable little bundle of joy is magalie - my colleague's niece... that hat on her head... that is one of mine! seriously though, check out those cheeks. this little girl is so precious i can hardly stand it.

when i found out that julia's (said colleague) sister had had her little girl, i got into knitty-mode and made this hat with this yarn (because it's my favorite and it so unbelievably soft... it is such a joy to knit with) for her. it is one of my favorite patterns and it's a one-night-movie-watching kind of project... just my style... and also, apparently, magalie's.

cheers.

yes we can! yes we will!!!

2008-11-05T00:40:00.006-06:00

obama is president elect! thank you, america!!! what an amazing and wonderful thing it is to be alive at a time when my fellow americans can elect such an incredible man to the office of president. and what a speech!

the people of america have spoken. loudly. we choose hope over fear. change is coming to america. now is our time.

YES. WE. CAN.

yes, we will.

image via design for obama.

design for change

2008-11-04T15:37:00.004-06:00

there are some beautiful beautiful beautiful things over at design for obama. what an amazing thing to see how much mr. obama's bid for president has inspired so many creative people to make such beautiful works of art.

if you think about it, the american people have been missing inspiration from a politician since JFK. the time has come for change.

image via design for obama.

happy election day! now, go vote!

2008-11-04T01:36:00.006-06:00

thank goodness, it is finally november 4th. i am holding my breath, hoping that when i wake up tomorrow morning (i highly doubt that i will be able to stay up all night watching history unfold in the u.s. and still be a functioning human being tomorrow at work), i will find that the american people have spoken up for the change we need... i am hoping against hope that obama will be elected today. regardless - i just hope that people actually vote today. i hope that people care enough to not let this decision be made for them. i hope that everyone recognizes just how significant this election is - not just for the united states, but for the rest of the world as well. i hope that change starts today.

GO VOTE!!!

image via katemiss.com.

happy halloween.

2008-10-31T02:53:00.004-06:00

have a frightfully delightful halloween.

image via cameron ingalls, inc. - there are some beautiful photographs on this website. check it out!

an educated choice

2008-10-28T02:19:00.008-06:00

yesterday, this post caused an uproar in the comments section between people voting for obama and people voting for mccain. the thing i was most appalled by - beside the fact that someone brought up a hatred for the name 'barack' as an apparent fault with barack obama as a person - was the fact that quite a few commenters seemed to think that those voting for barack obama for president (as i did) were 'silly' and were voting for someone like a celebrity or only because someone else vouched for them. it is extraordinarily dismissive to think that because someone chooses a candidate that they have done so without thought. i mean, really people. we are all adults, right? we make responsible choices (for the most part). so i would like to understand why a lot of people apparently think that it is an educated choice to pick mccain but somehow not to pick obama. i am confused.

i made it a serious point to educate myself about every single issue supported or disapproved by each presidential candidate. i still choose obama. proudly. i made a serious effort to educate myself about every single candidate and issue on my absentee ballot this year, as i have done every time i have voted thus far. it would be irresponsible and an abuse of my right to not make an educated choice. i do not vote strictly along party lines, but rather for or against the person or issue that i feel aligns with my values.

please, visit project vote smart and educate yourself about your choice. it's a wonderful resource and it presents facts that will allow you to make a responsible choice instead of only paying attention to what biased media organizations feed you.

phrases like 'rabid liberal' have been used to describe those voting for obama and i personally take strong offense. yes, i am much more liberal than most, but i do not shove my views down people's throats. i have never thought of the term 'rabid' as one that would describe myself, my behavior, or my views. everyone is entitled to their opinion and if we happen to disagree, i look forward to an intelligent discussion about why exactly we disagree. it's refreshing (though admittedly, sometimes angering) to learn about other people's views. it is childish, rude and unbelievably ignorant to simply shoot down someone's opinion without consideration for how they came to have that stance on one issue or another.

i am a proud supporter of barack obama for president of the united states. i am not a silly girl. i am not morally defect. i have strong family values. i value life and freedom and realize how sacred they both are. i am also pro-choice and damn proud of it. i am educated about the economy, educational policies, foreign affairs, etc., and made it a point to be so. because of all of these things and many more, i choose barack obama.

if you happen to disagree, then that is absolutely fine. you have your vote and i have mine and we will see what happens on november 4th.

GO VOTE!

image via ehow.com

needs and wants

2008-10-27T02:46:00.005-06:00

i may not need it, but goodness me, i want it. this beautiful poster, entitled 'words of change,' from artist gui borchert is part of the amazing collection of wall candy from artists for obama. not only is the poster simply stunning in itself, but the words that make up the graphic are utterly inspiring. have a closer look below:

all funds from purchases serve as contributions to the obama/biden 2008 campaign. you can pick up one of your very own here.

just for good measure, here is your monday reminder from idontliketowearshoes: GO VOTE!

images via obama for america

barack the vote

2008-10-26T03:42:00.006-06:00

i have already had the privilege of voting this year: i received my absentee ballot, filled in the appropriate circles, put my ballot back in an envelope and finally, mailed that most important piece of paper back to the county clerk of baxter county, arkansas. while i made mine barack, i think that it is incredibly important to simply vote this year (and hopefully, vote responsibly). it has always seemed shameful to me that - as a whole - so few americans actually vote. yes, if you are not an absentee, you do have to wait in extraordinarily long lines at times, but you also get to have the knowledge that you are exercising one of the most coveted rights in the world - you are getting to have a say in who your leaders are. what a gift that is... and just look at what happens when people neglect that gift.

i know so many non-americans who would give their left foot (or maybe even their right, who knows?) to actually get to vote this time around. i mean, i realize that i wasn't alive for the vietnam conflict, the cuban missile crisis, or many other important times in america's past, but this - what is happening right now: the economy in shambles, the world economy in shambles, two disastrous wars and thousands dead for greed, the housing crisis, americans losing their jobs left and right, america losing the respect of the rest of the world, etc. - this is one of those ultimately defining moments. every american over 18 needs to speak up, get to a polling station, make a decision, and hopefully bring about the change that everyone has been dying for for the last 8 years. every single voice counts and we, as a people, should make sure that every single voice is there to be accounted for.

t-minus 10 days and counting. don't just stand on the sidelines and wait for the outcome. exercise your right and be a part of this momentous occasion.

barack the vote.

image via Obama/Biden 2008 myspace page

dream vacation, here i come...

2008-10-22T06:41:00.004-05:00

golearnto.com has to be one of the most fantastic resources i have ever heard of. ever. they offer an unbelievable assortment of 'inspirational holiday courses' - meaning that you can learn italian while traveling through italy, learn flamenco dancing (which i am going to do this spring come hell or high water) while in granada, spain... and basically everything you could possibly imagine, anywhere you could imagine it happening. and the price-tags aren't exorbitant, either.

consider me inspired...

image via of golearnto.com

promise of a new year to motivate me

2008-10-15T14:33:00.007-05:00

Four Prints to Motivate, from OrangeBeautiful available here

OrangeBeautiful 2009 Calendar available for pre-order here

I mention the lovely ladies from theSCOOP here very often... basically, because they are utterly brilliant. i have ordered both of the beauties illustrated above to hang up on walls in whatever dwelling i will be inhabiting next year. i find them inspiring.

my mother calls them my 'paint by numbers' prints, and makes fun of me for my obsession with beautiful typography... but i think that they are elegant and beautiful and i cannot wait to get them in the mail. the incredible duo from theSCOOP create the most provocative books and buttons and prints (and make them available to the public at their etsy shop) and i love them for it. not to mention that they provide links to inspiration daily... you should check them out. really, you should.

i cannot wait for 2009, and my beautiful calendar to accompany this new and hope-filled year.

getting back up

2008-10-14T14:58:00.003-05:00

i've been going through a bit of a rough patch lately. basically, it comes down to the fact that things that i thought were just aren't. it seems as though i am in some sort of alternate reality some days... the one where apparent truths are not so apparent any more... the one where little black clouds follow people around and rain all over their pint-sized parades.

i am trying extraordinarily hard to not let it get me down... emphasis on the trying part. instead, i am focusing on the positives in my life - my unbelievable friends, my amazing family, and a promise of something better to come. i am also almost giddy with the thought of getting to go home to the farm and the fam for christmas, drink whiskey and be snarky with my best friend, and have all the pie and mexican food i can stomach (yay).

one thing that's been helping me keep a smile on my face is pushing daisies. not only is the show beautifully acted, beautifully written, beautifully quirky, but it is also simply beautiful-looking as well. when i watch it, it makes me want to paint... and bake. and there is something about the show that just makes me smile... it lifts the spirits, so to speak. so, if you are in need of a little pick me up, you should check it out.

as usual, i digress. things have been not-the-best of late but i am convinced that with a lot of work and a little extra focus (on a few well-chosen distractions), i will find my way out of my funk.

seriously. brilliant.

2008-10-13T07:53:00.004-05:00

thanks to this lovely post over at theSCOOP, i have found the absolutely brilliant folks over at Pressa Russa. this sort of papery goodness is just my flavor! their selection of cards, cd sleeves and moleskine journals (my favorites!!!) reminds me very much of the brilliance over at someecards, and it makes me extraordinarily happy.

mosaic of me

2008-09-25T03:14:00.012-05:00

photo credits go to:

1. DSC19742 - Natalie's eye, 2. Pillar of fire, 3. Hockaday Class of 98 Reunion 2008, 4. Green on Green, 5. christian bale maybe, 6. Father, Drinking Red Wine: McGregor Winery, NY, 7. Stamboul, Turkey (LOC), 8. open sesame, 9. bookshop window box wigtown scotland, 10. More on the Whole Simon Blint Fiasco, 11. Delivery Skills: How to Engage your Audience, 12. IMG_8792

i saw this little ditty over at theSCOOP and i couldn't resist making one of my own. it's a really lovely idea, and apparently, something really fun to put up at your desk (as my co-workers are also making them)... i guess you could call it a little self-expression.

want one of your very own, too? all you have to do is answer the following 12 questions (my answers are in parenthesis after each question) ...

1. what is your first name? (natalie)

2. what is your favorite food? (tepanyaki)

3. what high school did you attend? (the hockaday school)

4. what is your favorite color? (green)

5. who is your celebrity crush? (christian bale)

6. favorite drink? (dry red wine)

7. dream vacation? (instanbul, no constantinople)

8. favorite dessert? (créme brulée)

9. what do you want to be when you grow up? (a bookshop and café owner)

10. what do you love most in life? (experiencing new things)

11. one word to describe you? (spontaneous?)

12. your Flickr name? (idontliketowearshoes)

... type your answer to the above questions into Flickr's search. using only the images that appear on the first page, choose your favorite, copy and paste the URL into the Mosaic Maker (3 columns, 4 rows) and have yourself a grand ole time!!!

(random note - the first picture of the eye is, oddly, almost the exact color of my eyes. pretty nifty, huh?)

idea courtesy of theSCOOP, via Somewhere in Middle America, originally from wonderful one times one.

soap box à la natalie... and a little thank you, too.

2008-09-17T12:50:00.006-05:00

i know that i tend to focus on political diatribes here, but i am really upset by the tactless criticism that stephenie meyer has been recieving for breaking dawn - the fourth and final book in the twilight series. i realize that i may be in an apparent minority in declaring that i absolutely loved the book and the way it concluded the series. i also realize that absolutely everyone is entitled to their own opinion... but seriously, what happened to tact? what happened to considering that when people tear down someone and their work carelessly on the internet, they are probably hurting the person they are referring to? it's not like people are talking about a machine here. so many people are being horribly cruel to a real live person who has feelings and pride in her work and ... i don't know... a heart, by not considering that what they slap up on some random internet site without thought might actually be read by the person they are referring to.

i was a little behind with getting on the twilight train, as i am not typically a fan of the fantasy genre. however, when i was in the states in june to be with my family, i happened to pick up twilight at a local bookstore. i finished it in 5 hours. i then proceeded to devour the next two books in the series - new moon and eclipse - the next day (no, i am not exaggerating... i literally could not put them down and flew through the pages faster than i have ever done before). i have probably never become so attached to fictional characters in my life... and it goes without saying - though people should say it much more often - that stephenie meyer is an absolutely brilliant author.

i just think that instead of criticizing her work without considering that there was an unbelievable amount of thought and love that went into it, we - the twilight readership - should be thanking ms. meyer for providing the world at large with an absolutely compelling story (whether you liked all of it or not, it is undeniable that the books have a real draw to them, that they are exquisitely written, and that they are incredibly easy to access). we should be thanking her for making us pick up a book instead of glazing over in front of the television again. wonderful people like stephenie meyer and j.k. rowling have made people love to read again. people like those lovely women have introduced characters that inspire such passion in readers that they found societies and thousands of websites and establish holidays specifically dedicated to them. it's really pretty incredible if you think about it.

so, even though i am absolutely no one in the grand scheme of things... i want to say 'thank you,' stephenie meyer for giving the world your stories. thank you for the care and heart that you put into your work and into your interactions with your fans. thank you for giving us edward and bella and the cullens and jacob and charlie and renessme... simply, thank you.

i think i'm in love...

2008-09-17T04:29:00.001-05:00

antsy in my pantsy

2008-08-21T14:30:00.002-05:00

i know. i know... another disappearing act. i'm pretty good at those, aren't i?

anyway. abracadabra... i'm back.

those of you who i haven't alienated with my regular dry-spells - and anyone that is actually procrastinating with this now - should know by now that i suffer from an extreme case of cabin fever... so to speak.

what it breaks down to is that i get incredibly antsy when in one place for too long. the longest spells i have endured thus far have been in fayetteville, arkansas (architecture school: 5 years); and riyadh, saudi arabia (elementary-, middle-, and pre-high school: 7 years, not counting time visiting when in boarding school). i know that you are supposed to have a mix of the whole 'roots and wings' thing... but somehow i have ended up a little more than slightly off-balance. i am more of a 'wings' person (not the tv show... the i-must-travel-and-experience-whatnot-in-order-to-feel-whole thing).

i have been in stuttgart for almost a year now (t-minus 11 days and counting down), and though i love almost everything about being here, i have to admit that picking up and moving again doesn't seem like a half-bad idea to me. bring on graduate school. now.

this coming december, i will be sending out applications to schools i can only dream will accept me and my crazy-ass theories, but here's to hoping. keep your fingers crossed. please?

one. more. year. and then a new location... a new whatever. and fewer ants in my pants.

living with it...

2008-07-07T03:19:00.005-05:00

cnn featured an article discussing the issue of the medical profession taking lyme disease seriously. i have to say that i am really pleased to at least see the condition - and its severity - considered (granted, it took a lawsuit to get to this point) by the infectious diseases society of america.

i have been living with lyme disease from the age of 2... i cannot count the times that i have been ill or simply too fatigued to do anything but lay in bed for no apparent reason... i cannot count the times that i have been accused of 'making it up' or faking ill to get a day off. i cannot count the number of ridiculous tests i have gone through (mri's, blood tests, ct scans, etc.) - not covered by insurance, because 'lyme disease does not have this kind of chronic effect on people' - only to have every single test come up as inconclusive. i cannot count the times that i have had eyes rolled at me by doctors and bosses alike at the simple explanation that i have lyme disease. i cannot count the number of physical therapists and orthopedic surgeons i have spoken to about the mind-numbing pain i feel in most of my joints, most of the time (having arthritis in your mid-twenties is a little rare, to understate things a bit).

it does bring a little comfort to know that there are people out there who are speaking up and championing the cause of people who are living with this disease on a daily basis. i am lucky... my symptoms are more than manageable (most of the time). there are, however, thousands of others who are having to deal with inexplicable things happening to their bodies that no doctor can put a finger on. maybe if people - the doctors and administrators who have the ability to do something beneficial - actually start focusing on addressing this mysterious condition instead of simply dismissing it as they have done, people can stop suffering without an explanation. knowing what you are battling is half of the issue. actually understanding what is happening to your body is priceless. not being misdiagnosed and mistreated and scared out of your mind with worry over what could possibly be wrong with you is invaluable.

so, thank you, mandy hughes, and to the people at the lyme and tick-borne diseases research center for actually standing up and doing something about this. finally.

ear candy

2008-06-27T01:25:00.002-05:00

yesterday, i made a quick stop by the marktplatz in stuttgart on my way to my class... and surprise!!! - vocal sampling was performing in the square. all acapella... all goodness. and since my parents taught me well, i am sharing with you.

cheers.

a little pre-weekend inspiration

2008-05-29T09:52:00.000-05:00

rocks. again.

2008-05-21T03:42:00.005-05:00

so, to understate things just a bit: things have been a little overwhelming these last few days.

it's really quite sad, because when i get home from work and face the list of things that i really need to do - make phone calls, write emails, write more emails, clean, do laundry, exercise, go to the bank, go to the grocery store, sketch out ideas for a really important project, etc., etc., etc. - i have zero energy left to tackle anything. i have decided that i either need to significantly increase my caffeine-intake once again, drink until i feel a little more motivated, or clone myself in order to be able to start checking things off of my 'to do' list. cloning seems a little out of the realm of possibility (due to things like the financial constraints of pursuing such technology, moral issues, so on and so forth), so i am voting for caffeine and motivation-juice.

i apologize for the neglect i am demonstrating towards my blog, but in all reality, my life is utterly boring at the moment. boring, that is, unless you really really enjoy me writing about how evil autoCAD is, or about how i am perfecting my potty-mouth in several different languages.

there is light at the end of this extremely long tunnel, my friends, for i am on the brink of a four-day weekend. starting tomorrow. bring it on, baby. oh yeah.

yes... we can.

2008-05-07T04:35:00.002-05:00

shame, shame, i know your name: another diatribe.

2008-04-30T10:01:00.008-05:00

thank the lord! thomas l. friedman of the new york times is back. though, his recent column, dumb as we wanna be, made me want to weep for the future of america and hide for shame at the 'example' america is setting for the rest of the world. (ha. example.)

it is nothing less than shameful for mrs. clinton (and mr. mccain) to sponsor a 'gas holiday' this summer to 'ease the pressure' on people when that same gas holiday will come back to bite the american people in the ass in the very near future. the money that should have been collected with the gas tax - $0.184 per gallon - could go to research to help find a reasonable and realistic fuel source to help ease our addiction to fossil fuels. instead, as mr. friedman states,

This is not an energy policy. This is money laundering: we borrow money from China and ship it to Saudi Arabia and take a little cut for ourselves as it goes through our gas tanks. What a way to build our country.

i grew up in saudi arabia... so i have nothing against the country. ... however, i would like for more american money to stay at home... to start helping the american people. and, i am shockingly angry at the fact that our lawmakers - the people who should have the interest of the People in mind - are more worried about lining their pockets with Big Oil money than focusing on bolstering the american economy with a home-based fuel source. i am shockingly angry at the fact that congress and our ever-so-beloved president - again with the People - have decided to discontinue wind- and solar energy credits because they couldn't grow up and use their words like grown-ups to solve their argument. gas credits stay, eco credits go. are you people serious? for shame. really... shame on the government.

i understand the pain at the pumps... living in europe has made me appreciate how cheap gas is in the u.s. (gasp. did she just say 'cheap'?! yes, my friend, she did!) ... but i have also adapted: i walk almost everywhere (added bonus - i am losing weight and getting more fit), and if the distance is too great or i am in a rush, i take a train (granted, i live in a city that actually has a functioning public transportation system, so i can actually take advantage of this... if only more american cities could actually provide adequate public transportation). most of the people here have also adapted to high gas prices in their choice of vehicles - most are compact and highly-gas-efficient.

when i came back to the states for christmas, i was dismayed to realize that a ridiculously high percentage of vehicles i saw were large SUVs. my boyfriend (he is german and was on his first visit to the u.s.) was utterly shocked. not only were most of the cars SUVs, but a significant number of them were on gigantic tires with ridiculously large engines. no wonder, really, that so many people find themselves emptying their wallets to pay for gas. i was no exception: i drove a jeep wrangler - possibly one of the most gas-thirsty vehicles i can think of, but i also didn't drive it very much. frankly, even when gas was half the price it is now, it was too expensive to drive it much (in 2006, it cost me an average of $40 to fill my tank... which lasted a whopping 220-250 miles).

but i digress...

the point is that the gas tax should remain. the big catch is that it should be put towards research towards alternative fuels that will really help the american people in the future. a three month tax 'holiday' is not going to help... it may end up saving people enough to buy an extra tank of gas or so, but that doesn't help the fact that gas is going to keep getting more expensive... it doesn't help the fact that the american economy is going to keep getting worse until such time as we can stop putting ourselves in debt to other countries and start focusing on improving the situation at home.

i am living in europe because i can make more money here... even when i am paying over 40% of my income in taxes every month - scary but true. my family, however, is still in the states... and like most families, we are being hit hard by the rising prices and faltering economy. the solution to those major problems is not a gas tax holiday, but more investment in american technologies to solve our problems.... more investment in research... more focus on ecological technologies. i know, i know, everything is going green, blah blah blah, right? - but when studies have proven that 'going green' can help the planet and your bank account, where can you go wrong?

america needs to start being the change... and stop just preaching about it to everyone else.

woe is our new apartment.

2008-03-28T03:26:00.003-06:00

axel and i were supposed to be able to start moving into our new apartment last night... however, the lack of heat, water, and electricity currently plaguing the location seem to be throwing a wrench in our plans. the old oil heaters that were in the apartment have been removed to make way for more efficient water radiators, however, this removal has left gaping holes in the walls. while this provides for interesting views out of rooms that should be sealed, the fact the near-freezing outdoor temperatures are now the indoor temperatures is not-so-ideal.

supposedly, all should be relatively finished - the new heaters installed, holes refilled, water turned on, and our wind-powered electricity turned on - by the middle of next week! i am really so excited about this new place - i will post images of the new place as soon as we are moved in and then again when we finish decorating - and especially excited about the fact that we will be reducing our carbon footprint significantly! green energy, efficient appliances, and i will now be living 2 blocks from my office.

as axel keeps telling me, 'we are not made out of sugar'... everything will work out just fine in a matter of a few days and then we will have an absolutely spectacular apartment with an absolutely spectacular view over stuttgart. and thanks to enrica, we have a place to stay until we have a habitable space.

cheers.

fuch yeah!

2008-03-27T04:10:00.002-06:00

i think that this is about the funniest/most-honest/witty/hit-the-nail-on-the-head political illustration i have seen. ever.

image courtesy of Fuch Yeah.

two-and-a-half-word update (because i am too busy to think right now and will post more interesting stuff later)

2008-03-19T07:56:00.001-06:00

mid-march snow!

calm before the storm

2008-03-03T03:20:00.002-06:00

emma gave us quite a surprise here in stuttgart on saturday. i woke up at an extraordinarily early (for me on a weekend, anyway) 9:30am on saturday to find that it still appeared to be night. the sky was dark and foreboding... and then the wind started howling around our house. being an old house, not all of the doors and windows are, shall we say, totally sealed when closed. wind and rain started pushing their way into the house as it started to hail. granted, the hail was small, but there was so much of it that it appeared to be snowing. the wind was actually pushing the hail around in the air so chunks of ice appeared to be as light and friendly as snowflakes. (i am a sucker for snow and almost ran outside to play in it... until i took a closer look and decided that i had no desire to have my head beaten in by cold little stones falling from the sky).

stuttgart was apparently fairly lucky, given the lack of damage compared to the severity of the storm. i was actually quite amused to hear my roommate describe this storm as a 'european hurricane... only without the tornadoes'.

i just called to say 'i love you'

2008-02-28T04:06:00.003-06:00

i am in love with these calling cards from orangebeautiful's etsy shop (btw ilu = by the way, i love you). i want to give them to my all of my friends... and by 'give them' i am thinking more along the lines of slipping them into purses/briefcases/backpacks (hopefully unnoticed), complete with some goofy picture of me with some ridiculous face... just to spread smiles around.

it's funny that i found these today (actually, i was looking at this delicious notebook that i am totally lusting over, when i stumbled upon the sweet little cards), because i was just talking with axel about how much i love to leave random postcards with funny little messages for people to find. this is one thing i am loving so much about europe - all of the free postcards everywhere with really cool pictures/phrases on them. (i actually have an embarassing number of these postcards in a basket in my closet. i think that i probably have enough stashed away to give postcards to everyone i have ever met daily for a year.)

i live at the end of a five-and-a-half minute hallway...

2008-02-25T09:24:00.002-06:00

at least, i feel like i am stuck at the end of such a long corridor today. i am having one of those unbelievably shitty days where it seems as if i cannot do anything correctly. nothing i draw is working out... proportions aren't agreeable... i cannot figure out how to fix my errors... and my computer has transformed into satan reincarnate (this last one is more of a regular thing, as my computer tends to exude pure evil on an almost-daily basis).

i would like nothing more than to start today over again, push my deadline back anther week, sketch out some new ideas, and get a fresh start. unfortunately, it seems like i am stuck, dealing with my unsatisfactory work, until i figure out what it is that i keep tripping over.

i heart you.

2008-02-07T09:01:00.001-06:00

blurry love
Originally uploaded by idontliketowearshoes

normally, i am one to completely avoid all things to do with valentine's day. then again, normally, i am single and therefore, bitter about being alone on the day o' love. this year, however, i have been bitten by the love bug. i am completely enamored of my axel... and find myself totally excited about doing 'something special' on the 14th. i have all sorts of kitchy ideas and i am thrilled about all of them.

i love getting to see axel smile and the thought of getting to bring a smile to my love's face makes me feel like the luckiest kid on earth.

i heart you, axel... i am thankful for you every single day.

stuffy.

2008-01-31T06:56:00.000-06:00

i have found myself at the onset of yet another illness... what joy is mine. last week, every single person i came across (with the exception of a few wonderfully immune-strong people) was toxically ill last week. i kept commenting in wonder about how i - the unbelievably immune-weak who could catch the flu if the carrier were 1000 miles away - had somehow stayed unstuffy/coughy/miserable in the midst of so many sick folk. apparently, the fact that i had remained without the ickies was the simple result of incubation, for i now find myself in with that weird feverish floaty feeling that has come out of absolutely nowhere.

the timing of all of this is really quite super (read: unbelievably inconvenient). i have a possible deadline at work tomorrow... i have my good friend's birthday/house-warming party tomorrow night... i am supposed to go to augsburg with axel on saturday... and - if the other people around me who were sick last week are any indication - i am going to be miserably sick (read: bed-ridden) for my whole stinking weekend.

i am just pleased as punch.

a case of mistaken identity

2008-01-25T02:27:00.000-06:00

apparently, i am famous. i have discovered today that a celebrity website apparently thinks that this is the blog of the australian actress, natalie blair. imagine my surprise, when i went to look at the links of how people find my blog, to find that someone came here from a natalie blair (not yours truly, of course) fan site. i find this more amusing than one could possibly imagine.

this is not the first time someone has gotten us mixed up... (sorry, but i have to provide a little bit of back-story in order to tell this tale... please bear with me for a few lines)

up until i was 15, i went to school in riyadh, saudi arabia... at the time i left riyadh to go to boarding school, most of my friends and i didn't have email addresses and most of us did not have a permanent address to speak of (lots of military kids and lots of people who simply move a lot). a few years ago, one of my former classmates created a message board to allow all of the sais-r (saudi arabian international school - riyadh, now called the american international school - riyadh) kids from the 90's to get back in touch with one-another. one of my very good friends asked if anyone had seen or heard from the natalie blair who left sais-r in 1998 (as i had apparently dropped off the face of the earth for about 7 years or so). one of the people from my class (who had seen me every day for about 7 years) said that i was now, apparently, a very successful young actress on australian tv... and that i was looking very good. ... when i was directed to the page by a friend, i laughed so hard, i had trouble breathing (mainly because i am not australian, i have never been to australia - not yet, at least- , i am not an actress - though that would also be cool- , she is younger than me, and we look nothing alike ... i should be so lucky so be so tall and thin and blah blah blah).

anyway, i have pointed out the error to the website and i hope that the fans of the australian actress who shares my name will not be disappointed to find out that this is not her blog. i am just a regular-non-famous-girl who likes to rant about random shit on the internet...

full of why

2008-01-23T07:07:00.001-06:00

i came to work today, turned on my computer, opened the new york times' homepage and was confronted with the news of heath ledger's death... i am so deeply saddened by this... for multiple reasons. one is that no one, anywhere, should ever have to outlive their children... my heart aches for his parents and his family. for that matter, my heart aches for anyone - my parents included - who have ever or will ever have to outlive their child. my heart also goes out to his little girl... no one should have to lose their parent at such a young age.

this is also so tragic because his life had just started, really. he was so young... and he could have had the opportunity to bring the gift of so much talent to so many via the silver screen... but his light has been tragically and so swiftly extinguished. it's not so much that a famous person has died that makes me so upset, but the fact that mr. ledger's sudden passing throws into sharp relief that so many people are taken - it would seem - so far before their time.

it is nothing less than heartbreaking.

what makes his death even more sad is that the media have begun to sling assumptions about drug overdoses around like so much confetti. all because sleeping pills were found in the same room he died in. i may be mistaken, but i believe that many, many, many people have sleeping pills... there are advertisements for them on primetime tv every single day. now, there are assumptions about 'addicitions' being slung about without confirmation... and that is nothing less than disgusting. high-profile though he was, in the end, mr. ledger was just a person... and every person deserves to have dignity in death.

may mr. ledger rest in peace. and may the world have dignity enough to allow those who knew him to grieve without speculation or slander.

boowahahahahaha.

2008-01-22T04:20:00.001-06:00

lookie lookie at what i found. i haven't laughed so hard since i was a little girl.

oh - and good music i've been listening to today on blastFM
1. parov stelar - spygame
2. funkfaker - baby blues
3. rossi b & luca - legacy e.p.
4. parov stelar - the last dance
5. dj cam - success
6. parov stelar - kisskiss *i apparently really like parov stelar*
7. j. boogie's dubtronic science - try me
8. röyksopp - someone like me
9. dj dsl - happy bear
10. rae & christian - trailing in the wake

... now go and shake what your mama gave ya!

book jacket genius... among other things

2008-01-22T02:35:00.000-06:00

i found this link via poppytalk (who found it via door sixteen)... not only is chip kidd the author and designer of one of my favorite books of all time, but - to be perfectly frank - he is just cool as shit. (please do not ask me to explain the level of cool that shit possesses... just take it as 'he is extremely, extremely cool.')

when i was in architecture school, a guy i met at a penny poker game suggested that i should pick up the cheese monkeys: a novel in two semesters, primarily because he thought that the cover design was so freaking cool... while i completely agreed that the book is the most impressively-designed book i have seen, i also found that the writing itself was incredibly compelling... though it may have been something i appreciated all the more simply because i was in the middle of design-school-hell. nevertheless, i and everyone that i know who has read it, flew through the pages faster than a speeding bullet.

there is this wonderful part of the book - and i cannot tell you where to find it in the pages because it is sadly in storage in the states where i cannot put my hands on it - where mr. kidd describes a design critique... i think that this is something that can only be really, truly appreciated by someone who has had to stand up in front of ump-teen critics (more analogous to a firing squad than anything else i can imagine), with your work displayed behind you (the product of countless hours and near-nervous-breakdowns, i.e. your heart and soul, blood, sweat, and tears... not to mention sacrificed sleep, social life, love life, sanity...), while these people - most likely to be complete strangers with a much-too-obvious sense of self-importance - attempt to tear you and your work apart for 45 minutes to an hour (on average).

i watched this one critique when i was in my fourth year (out of five) of architecture school, in absolute wonder as this heinously bitchy (but apparently very prominent) woman actually tried to get one of my classmates to cry. afterwards, i went to the coffee shop during one of the breaks that day to refuel and i ended up behind her in line... she was talking on the phone and was actually pissed off that she hadn't gotten said colleague to shed tears. she then loudly complained that she was 'losing her stuff.' pfffff. argh. pishaw. it made me so angry, i could have clawed her eyes out right there in front of the pastry display... but i maintained composure.

i am rambling... anyhow, the book is fantastic, the author and designer is one of my heroes... and i thought that i would share a little piece of my inspiration with you, my few readers.

happy tuesday.

all the evidence i require...

2008-01-17T04:20:00.001-06:00

why i am glad that i no longer live in dubai:

... yes, that is the city under water. ... this happens every time it rains heavily, which - thanks to global warming - happens almost regularly from the end of fall to the early spring. this normally only happens on the outskirts of the city... but it is just such an utter disaster. ... and people insist on driving in it anyway even when and especially if their cars are not equipt for such extreme conditions (please note the bridge full of cars/trucks on their way into the city and the mostly-submerged taxi with the red roof by the on-ramp).

starting as i mean to go on...

2008-01-11T02:04:00.000-06:00

after listening to this wonderful cast on podcast (from which title of my post has been stolen), i started thinking about the idea of making new year's decisions, rather than a series of resolutions that i rarely ever keep and which are mostly discarded before the 1st of febrary. so - not that anyone will be interested - but i feel like sharing the decisions that i was thinking about all night (i also think that jetlag might still have something to do with me being awake half of the night, but c'est la vie and i get more time to think things through, i guess).

1. i will continue to make myself healthier - i have lost over 40 lbs. since june of 2006 and i am going to finally get into shape this year in time to run the nike women's half marathon in october, 2008.
2. i will be better about writing and calling my family and friends - i tend to get distracted by work-and-whatnot far too easily and my correspondence with said friends and family inevitably suffers... and they are far too precious to me not to keep in touch with them, particularly with me being half-way around the planet.
3. i will teach myself to quilt again - i used to be very good at this and it is a long-standing family tradition to quilt... one that is too good to simply die out... therefore, i must re-teach myself once more.
4. i will be more diligent about learning german - it is really too easy and arrogant for me to expect people at my office to speak english whenever i am present and though i understand a lot of german, i will no longer accept not speaking the language.
5. i will brush up on my spanish, italian, and french - i have spent far too much time and money learning these beautiful languages to simply let myself forget how to speak them for lack of use...
6. i will go to a country that i have never visited before before the end of the year - last year, i visited germany for the first time and look how wonderfully this is working out so far. so, before the end of the year, i will visit some country - near or far - that i have never visited before (i'm thinking peru, vietnam, or indonesia... but i am really up for anything)
7. i will apply to grad school, without fear or hesitation, by december 2008 - i am studying for the gre and i am eagerly awaiting the release of the harvard (urban planning + architecture), mit (urban planning + architecture), and risd (architecture + digital media) 2009 applications... wish me luck.
8. i will not be so angry all the time - this really should be at the top of my list, but it is also a good closer... for some very strange reason, i have become increasingly angry over the last five years or so. while my anger is mostly fleeting, it bothers me that it rises due to the smallest and most senseless things... not to mention that it makes everyone around me incredibly uncomfortable when i do lose my temper. i have been working on this for a while, but i am going to work much harder this year to find my center and to get rid of whateverthehell it is that is causing me to blow up with such regular-yet-unpredictable frequency.

fin. these are the things that i will do this year... i will not accept self-defeat.

the steam from your cup...

2008-01-09T03:55:00.000-06:00

i am in the midst of jetlag recovery... in which, i attempt to sleep at a reasonable hour (so that my body will re-acclimate) but find that i am still awake at 4am... and thus absolutely exhausted when it comes time to go to work. therefore, i am consuming enough coffee today to keep an army awake. bring on the jitters.

last night, i attempted to keep myself awake until said reasonable hour by starting a new knitting project with some absolutely delicious cashmere... but first, i had to wind the yarn into a center-pull ball. instead, i ended up fighting with an unbelievable knot in my yarn for about 2 hours. because i am so stubborn and because the yarn was so pricey, i fought and fought (and honestly, i know that i completely freaked out a few times) and finally got the knot out - using scissors was not an option, you see.

so, hopefully, in a few days, i will have pictures of a beautiful new cashmere cowl to show off, as well as some absolutely amazing photos of my vacation in the hills of arkansas (and a few of my absolutely amazing, beautiful, brilliant, wonderfully cuddly niece).

cheers.

utterly annoyed

2007-12-13T02:18:00.000-06:00

i had such high hopes for my last day of work before vacation... however, they have been completely destroyed not even two hours into the day...

i love when one asks someone official for very specific information and in return they send links to arbitrary and completely unrelated information readily available on the internet. it's as if these people think that we are stupid - my working partner and i - and that we lack the ability to use an internet search engine to do very basic research on the internet. (we sent an email asking for government-assigned ratios for determining the projected populations of buildings we are working on... we got a link to the dubai census instead. seriously, i feel like i am taking crazy pills.)

i do have a silver lining, however... 23 hours until we board our plane to the u.s.
i feel like i haven't needed a vacation this badly in my life.

four and a blog-full of lists

2007-12-10T04:00:00.000-06:00

4 more days. 4 lovely little chaos-filled days left until axel and i make our way across the pond for some much-deserved vacation in the states.

i am unbelievably excited to go home a) because it has been a year since i have been to the states, b) because i get to introduce my guy to my family and friends, c) i get to see my family and friends, d) southern holiday food [i am currently accepting that whatever weight-loss plans i have had will be totally shot to hell within about 24 hours of arriving in the u.s. (see the next point)], and e) because lovely, lovely dara is throwing a big gumbo party the day after we arrive.

though i am totally enamored of europe, there are a few things i supremely miss about the states -
1. friends and family (as mentioned above)
2. advil
3. cajun/creole cuisine (yes, i know that they are different, but i am putting them in the same category so deal with it)
4. pie
5. really cool little bookstores with books written in english
6. really cool little crafty stores
7. mexican food
8. my library (currently in boxes and in storage at my parents' farm)

... i could go on, but i will probably just seem silly. most of the things that i miss are fairly minuscule, but they are still very important to me in one way or another.

happy pre-holiday nonsense to everyone.

the miseries of home improvement

2007-12-06T02:00:00.000-06:00

my boyfriend, axel, and i went to ikea the other day to pick up a new desk and some household whatnot... on a saturday... not such a great plan. in fact, it was really quite stupid, as it seemed that all of stuttgart and the surrounding villages, towns, and communities had also decided to descend upon the same ikea at that precise moment. you know that a shopping experience is about to go horribly wrong when you get pissed off in the parking lot... and seriously - what designer decided that it would be such a wonderful idea to design an ikea the size of an entire shopping mall and then provide 100 parking spaces (if that)? somebody should get a gold star for that one.

i am not typically bothered by crowds. actually, most of the time, i am really quite amused by them (i love people-watching). ikea, on the other hand, is like a claustrophobic phenomenon. i had the same experience when i went there with my friend, anja, to buy my furniture when i first moved here in september - it's like the place is a vortex that just endlessly keeps sucking people in. one finds that their path is blocked my numerous groups of people-discussing-furniture-choices everywhere. one finds that people get extremely aggressive if it takes them an extra 5 seconds to reach the object of their desire. one also finds that the closer one gets to the cashier, the more obnoxious, rude, and self-important people become... no joke - perfectly courteous and good-natured people turn into monsters before they reach the check-out counter... such is the power of ikea.

of all of the treasures of human behavior and failures of design we observed that day, my favorite incidents occurred as we were attempting to leave the store...

episode no. 1 - so, as one could easily imagine, looking through endless choices of furniture and knick-knacks for 4 hours can cause a person to work up a serious appetite. the brilliant people at ikea have put a cafeteria right after the cashier's stations. the hot dogs (and i am normally not a fan of the processed mystery meat) are delicious, and the ice cream is devilishly tasty. only one problem ... the eating area, complete with tables to stand at while one consumes their junk food salvation, is a wee bit small. it would be a tight area if it were just full of people... but noooooooo, it is transformed into an impossibly tight space full of people, their junk food, and their carts. it was a frustrating situation while i was attempting to eat, but i have to be honest and say that once i stepped back to admire the scene once we were through, i found it hilarious. imagine if you will: 30 or so people - cheeks puffed, everyone looking quite unhappy, 20 carts bursting at the seems with god-knows-what, all crammed into something around 30 square feet... the result? pure, ridiculous joy.

episode no. 2 - we purchased a desk... said desk could not be found in the main ikea pick-up area. instead, the item was to be picked up at the ikea warehouse... 20 meters away. the objects people retrieve from the warehouse are typically large and fairly heavy... but the funny thing about this particular warehouse was that the loading zone was full of overflow cars from the teeny, tiny little ikea parking lot (see my note about that, above)... thus, no loading-zone-parking. so, we drove the car 20 meters to pick up the desk, only to have to drive another 20 meters away to find another parking space. then, to top it all off, the desk wouldn't fit in the car with all of the other things that we had in there - so we had to unload and repack in the middle of the street.

i. hate. shopping.

hello? i don't know if you forgot while you were doing your little political tap dance... but there is a real war going on.

2007-09-20T04:04:00.000-05:00

i came across a disturbing new york times article this morning... discussing the american political debacle over the iraq war. in said article, this passage bothered me the most:

“senator lindsey graham, republican of south carolina, who worked to defeat the webb plan, said the republican support for the war could have a political cost. 'the republicans own this war,' he said. 'if it goes bad, the nation loses and the republican party loses disproportionately compared to the democratic party.'”

mr. graham seems to forget that it isn't a matter of political parties looking good or bad when it comes right down to it with the iraq war... he seems to forget that he is talking about the lives of hundreds of thousands of people - americans and iraqis alike. military and civilian alike. when it comes to the iraq war 'going bad,' as mr. graham so eloquently stated, it will not be the republican party or the democratic party that will lose 'disproportionately,' it will be the aforementioned thousands of people actually fighting this war and the countless number of people who have been displaced and/or who are living in constant fear that will suffer 'disproportionately' when compared to the majority of the world. they will certainly suffer more than a certain senator from south carolina, in his cushy government job, safe from the actual war going on half a world away.

i do know that some of the politicians seem to express 'concern' (i use this term very lightly) for the actual condition of those fighting and 'living' in iraq... but they need to seriously reconsider the manner in which they chose to talk about the war and the 'efforts' to shift the 'strategy' in iraq. they need to remember that they are talking about human lives, not loaves of bread, or rocks, or pawns on a chess board. they need to remember that it shouldn't be about party loyalty - or even worse still, party reputation - when it comes to re-evaluating the increasingly-deteriorating situation in iraq... it should be about doing the right thing for the soldiers and civilians there and especially for the iraqi people... but that might be asking a little much.

to think that the republicans have scoffed at a proposal to rely more heavily on diplomacy in iraq makes me so ashamed of and for the american political representatives. they are going out of their way to make sure that the proposal will not pass in the senate. umm... so i have a quick question: what is so wrong with actually trying to discuss a problem that is obviously not being solved by force? for the love of all things... i mean, honestly people... it's like beating a dead horse. it's just pathetic. sad. shameful.

welcome to the 21st century... marvel at how far we have evolved.

a war of tiny proportions

2007-09-13T01:42:00.000-05:00

i am still moving... i'm to the unpacking the boxes i filled with all the 'super-important' stuff i schlepped from dubai to stuttgart and trying my damnedest to put my bloody ikea furniture together. we are not friends, ikea furniture and i... not friends at all. actually, one could probably say that we are at some sort of war, in my bedroom... me with screwdriver-used-as-hammer (seriously, don't ask) and ikea furniture with its minions of tiny, dull nails.

war, i tell you. war.

thankfully, my new roommates pulled me away for caffeine and alcohol... so my mood was in a much better state before trying to go to sleep (i say 'trying' because everytime i was about to doze off into one of my freaky dreams - more on that in a post to come, by the way - an ambulance or police car or some such nonsense would come blasting past my house... shattering eardrums with that gut-wrenching siren that i think i can safely say that i hate).

busy nothings amid a relocation crisis of sorts

2007-09-01T03:35:00.000-05:00

i arrived in stuttgart, germany yesterday... a full day ahead of my luggage (convenient, you know, moving to a new place without clothes, without a toothbrush, or any of those normal hygienic comforts of home).

i arrived in stuttgart yesterday, to find that my living arrangements are now null and void. i guess that such is life... and i guess that this is what i get for counting on verbal agreements made among friends... but i'm feeling a bit freaked out at the thought of not having a place to live in a strange city where i do not speak the language (this language deficiency also makes looking for an apartment a teeny, tiny bit difficult, if you know what i mean). the current situation that i find the most amusing is that i am supposed to pick up my cargo, all 150kgs of it, tomorrow. i have nowhere to put said 150kgs of my stuff. this is me, almost completely freaking right the hell out. i know that everything will work out ok, but at the moment... at the moment, i'm not really sure what to do first and i'm feeling a bit discouraged about my spontaneous relocation. second thoughts and whatnot, i guess.

three cheers for the proverbial shit hitting the fan.
rah. rah. fucking rah.

i have not been kidnapped, nor have i disappeared... i have just been suffering from an intense case of writer's block (i think).

2007-08-23T00:34:00.000-05:00

apparently, i needed a break from my blog. this is the only logical explanation i can find for not posting in about a year (give or take)... and my apologies go out to anyone who missed my bitter diatribes.

i have had my fill of the sandbox (for more reasons than i would dare to bore you with) and i will be moving to stuttgart, germany in about a week. i am honestly a bit nervous about the whole thing, given that i speak about four words of german and my first visit to the country was about a month ago... taking that into account, i am extremely excited to start something new. i am also extremely excited to actually be working for architects - as i have been working for engineers parading around as architects for the last year and it is not so much fun. don't get me wrong - engineers are brilliant people... they just shouldn't ever run an architecture firm. engineering ≠ architecture. but that's just my humble, slightly naïve opinion.

story time - so, much of my architectural education was based on the ideal of 'form follows function' - it is a lovely ideal. it is an ideal to which, one would hope, architecture and architects should strive. imagine my surprise, when my boss - the head of a multi-million dollar project in dubai - went on a rant about how the 'form follows function' principle is just an outdated, unfashionable 'observation' made by an 'alcoholic american'. he made a particular effort to look at me - the only american in the office - as he said this. never mind that this principle was one of the foundations of the modern movement in architecture and design. and never mind that a significant number of famous architects, designers, painters, photographers, poets, what-have-you are/were committed and enthusiastic drinkers. when we (my colleagues and i) pointed these things out to him, he angrily dismissed us as young an idealistic. he told us that our opinions needed to be updated, because 'architecture should be made, regardless of function.' - let me point out that this 'function in any form' architecture is what typical developers strive for. not architects. this is not architecture... he continued to rant angrily at us. refusing to discuss the issue like a civilized, intelligent adult.

i was disgusted. outraged. disappointed. baffled. i was a lot of not-so-positive things at that moment... so much so, in fact, that i had to get up and walk out of the room to keep myself from exploding at him for being so dismissive and childish and bullheaded.
this was just the cherry on top of the icing on top of the cake that has made me want to leave this place. i do realize that not all companies in this booming metropolis put arrogant, (again) dismissive, thick-headed, money-grubbing, clueless bastards at the top of the decision-making hierarchy... but it's disheartening enough to make me want to get out of here as fast as i can.

it's the little things

2006-11-20T05:19:00.000-06:00

so, dubai is in the desert and all... hence, a serious lack of precipitation and my incredible longing to go somewhere like seatlle or london, where it rains most of the time. i enjoy rain. snow. fog (when i don't have to drive and/or be driven through it). ice (again, with the driving).

long story short... it's actually raining in dubai. at this current moment. raining. a whole two months or so early for the raining season (if a few days to a week can actually be construed as a 'season'). i'm happy. i have little spots on my shirt because i have been frolicking in said rain. i'm childish... easily entertained... but it's really the little things that count. yeah.

on the brighter side of things...

2006-11-02T14:48:00.000-06:00

... i have apparently poisoned myself. i have food poisoning (thankfully not too badly), but i feel as if i've been hit by a truck. fully loaded. going 150 mph. life's just peachy.

david slew goliath. he didn't kick the shit out of him.

2006-10-14T15:02:00.000-05:00

i find myself becoming very angry, nay irate, very easily of late. you will probably find me , most often, brandishing beautifully-strung-together strings of curses that would make sailors blush. i have found that cursing - i mean cursing really well - is a cultivated art form. these kind of things take years of practice.

this highly valuable skill is typically demonstrated by unique combinations of curses or 'shockingly obscene phrases.' these, mind you, are typically accompanied by very vivid mental imagery that make people either a] cringe, b] blush, c] look around to see who else is listening to your filthy mouth, d] scoff, e] pretend they are offended because of their virgin ears, or f] cover their ears/mouth and gasp in utter amazement at the most disgusting/offensive thing they've ever heard.

i find it very funny that my favorite targets of these outbursts seem to be inanimate objects. these cannot, of course, react to my tirades and incessant hurling of insults, but it makes it no less entertaining. granted, the situations that cause me to erupt in profanity are not particularly pleasant, but the realization that i've just allowed myself to become irate with something that cannot respond to my blathering is always incredibly amusing in hindsight. especially if there happens to be someone else around to think i'm nuts to be screaming at something that couldn't give a rat's ass about my obvious frustration.

things i've screamed at lately: mostly at computers - for not doing exactly what i want them to do... they're intelligent machines... shouldn't they be able to read my mind by now? people driving like morons - this is not just an arkansas phenomenon... people here make arkansans look like pros. holy. mother. of god. my sunglasses, for fogging up when i walk outside into the sauna that is dubai. the cabinet doors that i - without fail - slam my head into as i try to get something off of the top shelf (which, by the way is designed for a giant).

and, of course, the walls that i run into... because, you know? it's most definitely the wall's fault that i'm so clumsy. they're not stationary or anything... i mean, you have to be very alert to avoid running, toe-first, into them.

take my advice and watch those walls. especially the corners... they're froggy.

bring your own party party

2006-10-13T12:08:00.000-05:00

i'm a slacker... well, not really. i've been quite productive since the end of july... i got a great job and i've been working like a crazy lady. i'm actually getting to design things - not bathrooms or window frames - but towers. actual buildings on a real site with a real client. and stuff. woo.

i've also been working on my first commissioned painting - it's really nerve-wracking to think that someone is going to have my painting in their house. oh - and my camera is fixed (thank you, arun), so i will be posting photos of dubai and massundam really soon. sweet freaking action.

other than that, i've been hanging out at the beach - watching the sun rise over the burj al arab, going to the buddha bar, speeding around dubai in my sweet ass alfa romeo (yes, i'm renting it, but indulge me anyway). i cut off my hair... i'm kind of regretting it at the moment, given the humidity and my new afro. oh yeah, and sleeping. a lot. i'm still working on that whole recovering-from-five-years-of-sleep-deprivation thing.

life is sweet.

better with age... like fine wine or something to that effect

2006-07-28T15:28:00.000-05:00

so, my first birthday in dubai... 23 years and counting. yeah.

i have had the most wonderfully super dooper day... all starting with a healthy dose of friday morning cartoons and very strong coffee. then i was schlepped to a wonderful dim sum place half-way across town where the wonderful owner gave me a jade good luck charm because i know chinese tea etiquette. then ice cream cake - chocolate with reese's peanut butter cups (sigh) - and presents... not to mention that i had 'happy birthday' sung to me in africanse for the first time. so freaking cool.

and to top off this splendiferous day, i have been so very touched by the amount of my friends half way across the planet who remembered my birthday... i have received some sort of ridiculous amount of happy birthday messages today... kinda makes me feel all warm and fuzzy on the inside. i love love love my friends and i thank all of them for remembering me... sincerely. thanks.

3 cheers for chocolate ice cream cake and warm-fuzzies.
cheers. cheers. cheers.

freedom is...

2006-07-24T14:04:00.000-05:00

amazing! i got to see ursula rucker perform last night at evory lounge in the emirates mall last night. i was awestruck by her sincerity, her incredibly powerful lyrics, and her performance. most importantly, the message she had to send needed to be heard (check out the lyrics listed on her website).

i was, on the other hand, appalled by the behavior of the people in the club. i have never been so embarrassed to be part of an audience in my life. people wouldn't shut up... in fact, as soon as ursula began to sing/speak, they immediately turned up the volume. idiots were shouting at each other to be heard over her... ms. rucker just kept performing as if people weren't behaving like morons. i would have jumped off the stage and tackled the drunken idiots stumbling and screaming in front of the stage... but then again, i have no patience for inconsiderate morons. c'est la vie.

learning to lose the meaning

2006-07-23T05:30:00.000-05:00

yes, i'm a slacker... but forgive me for not wanting to publicly vent my noxious frustration at my current lack of purpose. it's a strange down-shift... from being so busy i could hardly breathe to having absolutely nothing to do but sit helplessly/hopelessly in front of my (bad ass) computer and look for a job that i know - on the inside - isn't coming. i'm coming to grips with the fact that i am a woman in the middle east and for that, i will be forever looked down upon, forever undesirable in the workplace. c'est la vie, but i don't have to be happy about it.

i'm just waiting... waiting for the interviews that were scheduled and then delayed because of 'summer vacations,' waiting for my portfolio to come in the mail (even though it was mailed 'overnight' 3 weeks ago), waiting for the heat to subside, waiting to make some friends, waiting to have a chance to make some sort of positive difference, waiting to be not-miserable. waiting. waiting. waiting. and i'm running out of patience.

vanno gli azzurri!!!

2006-07-09T16:10:00.000-05:00

hell yes! the beautiful italians won the world cup!!! omigod... when they went to penalties, i thought i was going to have a heart attack! i have been bantering with people since last week about how the italians were going to win the cup... and they did! i am just so sorry to see zidane go out of his amazing career in such a disgrace. his is an amazing athlete and i can only hope that he isn't remembered for this fault, but for his amazing skill in the game of soccer...

anywho... va italia!!! i sweated the match out, outside in dubai, in my infamous italia sweatshirt... and it was completely worth every sweaty second!!!

part-time pirate

2006-07-03T08:56:00.000-05:00

apparently, my interview didn't go as well as i thought, as i've heard nothing. no. thing. at. all. yours truly isn't suited for this whole interview-thing... patience is not a virtue i possess... and i also lack the self-restraint necessary not to tell someone to 'piss off' for being so rude as to not even send me an email telling me to bugger off. c'est la vie. i am applying at other firms. i'm sick of waiting for people who obviously lack the common decency to communicate.

i'm becoming slightly stir-crazy. i don't do well when i have nothing to do, and one can only do research for so long without going a little batty. i have no car of my own, nothing to do, no one i know here (other than my father), it's too freaking hot to get myself lost (not to mention that it would take me hours to walk to downtown), and i'm flat broke. all i want is to get a job so that i can at least have the means to start exploring this beautiful city... so i can stop being a mooch... so i can use the bleeding skills i spent five f#$%ing years cultivating in my own, personal hell - better known as architecture school.

and to make things worse, i have no one to talk to about this - hence the venting session on the internet. voi la.

you are the company you keep

2006-07-01T02:52:00.000-05:00

so... the interview went well. i was promised 'something' in the form of what i'm assuming will be an offer, so now i get to just wait on pins and needles to receive some sort of official offer - either today or tomorrow.

to occupy my time, i've been speeding around dubai in a really cool alfa romeo over the weekend. it's really refreshing to be able to drive on the highway and not max out at 80 mph (the jeep threatened to shake itself apart every time i went above 80)... not to mention that the transmission is this awesome hybrid between a manual and automatic - sweet, sweet acceleration.

oh happy day.

... i'm just a little worried about your brain

2006-06-27T15:29:00.000-05:00

freaking right the hell out. interview tomorrow. 'nuff said.

ode to the taxi man

2006-06-24T10:38:00.000-05:00

dear mr. taxi-driver-man,

are those glasses you wearing up to date? can you, by chance, see the road you are driving on? i only ask these questions because you nearly slammed into the side of my car this afternoon going something to the order of 60mph... those kind of things will cause a girl to ask questions. again, i am stressing the sight-thing, because i clearly had a green light and you clearly had a red light. not yellow. not pink. red. and yet, you still managed to build up enough speed to cause me to have to swerve out of my lane.

were you, by any chance, in a hurry? a really great hurry? because the manner in which you were conducting your very beat-up cab would evidence some sort of urgency... and yet, once you had nearly run me off the road, you slowed down to a near-crawl. this - dear sir - would not only cause a girl to ask certain questions, but it would almost always cause the aforementioned girl to draw the conclusion that you are an unrelenting, semi-blind, asshole. yes, i think 'asshole' will suffice. am i correct in assuming this? or am i being rash? are you just stupid? or blind (in which case, you really shouldn't be behind the wheel of a moving vehicle... just an observation)?

i look forward to never having to encounter you on the road, and i offer my most sincere pity to anyone who has the misfortune to step into your ill-fated cab.

yours truly -

the girl you nearly smashed

swatches

2006-06-22T03:01:00.000-05:00

a little birdie told me about a new blog - hangoverblack - that i really enjoyed reading. very sarcastic. very good. i thought i would share.

oh. and, you're welcome